Heroes

Reposted from Facebook in celebration of the National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers

Thank You, Heroes
Day in and day out, you make the unseen sacrifice.
You are there for women in some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives, and you value them for all that they are. You know better than many the reality of women’s lives, and you commit yourselves to their health. You face anger, lies, and even threats for what you do, but you keep doing it, because you know better than many the costs of giving up, and giving in.
For this we thank you.
For this we treasure you.
For this we promise to defend you.
For this we promise to tell the people this truth:
Abortion providers are heroes.

My non-US abortion

I'm not from America. I had my abortion in a country where everything was free. I was four months pregnant, and the procedure would have cost around 5000 dollars, at a guess. I wanted to keep the baby, but my circumstances changed. I was only twenty, and I didn't know how I could protect myself and the child from the man I conceived it with. The abortion was long and painful, but the nurses in the clinic were very kind to me. That made it much easier. I'm thirty years old now. I'm married to a wonderful man. We have a happy, healthy little toddler and we're planning to have another baby soon. The happiness I went on to find wouldn't have been possible without my abortion.

My husband

My abortion would not have happened if it wasn't for my husband. True enough, the pregnancy wouldn't have happened without him either.

I discovered I was pregnant two months after our beautiful wedding in my hometown. That entire day, everyone who's ever meant anything to me or him hugged us, kissed us, wished us well, and told us this was the beginning of the rest of our lives. That we should cherish and protect our relationship above all else if we wanted to last.

When I saw that positive pregnancy test, I was so conflicted. I had a job with great benefits, a supportive family, a brand new husband, and an extra bedroom but no baby. But that was on purpose. I wanted to enjoy my man and our life and our things for at least a while. I loved everything about him and I wanted us to come together and create life from scratch and widen our family but so soon?

Suddenly I felt like I barely knew him or myself, and all these fears flooded into my brain. If I did nothing, in 34 weeks or so, less than a year into our marriage, this foreign thing with endless needs would appear and our lives would revolve around it forever and I’d lose something—our relationship would suffer from it or god forbid not last at all. I knew what I wanted: just a little more time! But it didn’t feel like my decision alone.

I told him two days later with my eyes closed. I loved him, and trusted him, and if he told me we could do it then I’d go through with it. Have our baby and learn to share the man I’d only just felt like a got a firm grasp on.

We talked about it for hours. I felt guilty for getting pregnant, ashamed for wanting to terminate it, and overall, like a big asshole. I just remember him saying, “I love you and I want what you want” over and over. That day, for the next week, the night before, in the car, in the waiting room, at dinner after, and ever since.

I thank him for giving me the space to gather the strength and energy and confidence I needed to put the brakes on our future and for continually giving me the best gift of just us.

"For me, abortion care is a calling"

Amy Hagstrom Miller is an abortion provider and Founder, President and CEO of the Whole Woman’s Health network. She was recently awarded the Reproductive Equity Award by the Lilith Fund and delivered the following amazing, moving speech. This is a wonderful example of the compassionate, thoughtful and brave people that make up the abortion provider community. Here is an excerpt. From Flyover Feminism via The Lilith Fund blog.

Every year, the Lilith Fund (a Texas-based abortion fund) honors a community partner demonstrating outstanding commitment to reproductive rights and abortion access. In 2012, they honored Amy Hagstrom Miller and last week she received the Reproductive Equity Award at an award ceremony in Austin, Texas. Here is an excerpt of her incredibly moving award acceptance speech:

For me, abortion care is a calling.

Sometimes I introduce myself as someone who works in women’s health, in other circles I say I am an abortion provider, but really, the business I see myself in is The Identity Examination Self Esteem Boosting Stigma Eradication business.

Abortion involves all the big things in life – sex, death, life, religion, family, money. Providing abortion gives me the opportunity to have heart-to-heart conversations about these things every single day. I get to sit with a woman as she examines what she believes – as she looks at what matters most to her. What are her intentions? What are her dreams? Abortion is a rite of passage for many women – it is often one of the first times where women take a look at the values that they have inherited from their family/church/culture/education and decide which ones are applicable or meaningful to them, and which ones are not.

As you know, in Texas we have endured more than our fair share of legislation targeting abortion providers. These laws are seldom in the true interest of the health and safety of women and are one of the most damaging products of abortion stigma. These regulations arise out of a political agenda designed to make abortion almost impossible for practitioners to provide and for women to access. They make false assumptions about a woman’s capacity to understand what it means to be pregnant, and to make a sound moral choice on her own.

We know that women are the right and moral decision makers for the most fundamental of choices – whether or not to give birth and whether or not to parent. Throughout time women have made decisions to control their own fertility. Women have always had abortions. Sometimes the available choices are safe, sometimes they are not. With these greater restrictions we see women take matters into their own hands – we see street use of Cytotec – in fact we have seen women come to the clinic with an entire bottle of 50 pills inserted into their vagina. We hear about things like the baseball bat incident in Michigan – where a teenager asked her boyfriend to hit her with a baseball bat to induce a miscarriage so she could avoid the parental consent law. These incidents are the byproducts of legislative restrictions. This is what happens as a direct result of the silence and stigma around abortion in this country. Unsafe abortion is back.

Many Americans have no idea what abortion care providers go through on a daily basis to ensure that women have access to the care they deserve. The harassment we face is profound, and it is constant, like a slow rolling boil. The fact that it is tolerated by law enforcement and the general population is very directly related to abortion stigma.

We providers know about the continuum of violence – and that if the small infractions – like sign ordinances or trespassing – are not addressed quickly and formally by law enforcement then the anti abortion forces are empowered and they act out even more.

In the United States since the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973 there have been over 47 million women who have chosen to have safe, legal abortions. 38% of women, that is more than 1 out of 3, in the USA will have an abortion by the age of 45. And nearly all those women have one or more loved one support them through their abortion. That is a lot of people.

So, why is stigma around abortion so successful? Why does the shame persist and silence pervade when so many people share the abortion experience?

Most of the time these 47 million women are silent. Most of the time the loved ones who helped them with their abortion don’t talk about it either. Most of the time abortion providers and workers are silent once they leave the clinic. In fact, the pro-choice majority is often silent.

Most of the people talking about abortion in our society are anti-abortion.

As abortion providers, we often feel and are looked at as the “radical fringe of the pro-choice movement” – even among our friends and supporters. In fact some of the most judgmental and stigma filled comments (therefore the ones that hurt the most) I have heard over the years are from people who claim to be supportive or pro-choice.

We providers do the “dirty work” of abortion – we deal with the blood and the fetuses, we handle the money, we deal with the emergencies – all the things pro-choice people don’t want to talk about and that the anti’s love.

When I talk about my work in the mainstream world people are often pretty quiet. Eventually, when they feel comfortable enough with me I am often asked, “so, why abortion care?” or “how can you do this work?” Even by supporters, by pro-choice people I see this question on their face or experience the silence or separation when I talk about providing abortions. When the theory of abortion rights collides with the messy medical and challenging emotional issues that bubble up in the reality of provision our movement is very challenged. Fetuses, blood, emergencies are not glamorous. Neither is repeat abortion or sex selection abortion or regret after abortion or patients who worry about killing and murder.

I EXPERIENCE stigma all the time in my work; the hospital will not give privileges to our physicians, we can’t secure local back up doctors, we can’t get anyone to provide us with bottled water or replace our tile floors or replace our roof or resurface our parking lot.

I HEAR stigma everywhere:

“Abortion should be rare” “Abortion is a tragedy” “Abortion is only 3% of our budget” “I am pro-choice but I’d never have an abortion” “I am not like those other women” “I don’t believe in abortion as birth control”

You may have heard these statements. You may have said these words yourselves. You may have thought these thoughts.

The reality is, however, that without us there is no choice. Without providers, the right to abortion is just an idea – it is just something on paper that means nothing to women in actuality.

So, what does it take to keep 47 million women and their loved ones silent? You have to spend millions of dollars to shame them – to tell them they are murderers over and over until they believe it themselves. And you must threaten and intimidate and ultimately murder those who provide them this care. For over 35 years abortion providers have been the buffer between the anti-abortion movement and the women who have abortions. We have tried to protect women and shield them from the hostility of the antis as well as provide them with impeccable medical care. This is not working.

To me, eradicating stigma is the single most important thing we can do for abortion rights in this country and it is my life’s work.

I believe my work is to honor women. Making an abortion decision is a time when a woman acts with intention. When she chooses a path for her life and the direction she will travel. I want to NOTICE that moment of acting with intention and hold it up high for the woman to notice and to feel and own as hers. I invite her to experience her life as though she were in charge of it. There are many times in a woman’s life where “life happens to them” and abortion stands out as a time when I can support a woman to be the actor in her own life – the chooser – not a victim but an intentional, deliberate and ethical person choosing what is best for them.

Sitting with a woman as she examines her abortion decision provides me an opportunity to plant seeds that will change the world. I can invite a woman to look at her life differently than she may have before she came to my clinic. I have a moment to affirm that she is good, to affirm that she is moral and kind, and to affirm that she is not selfish. I can witness her dreams and her desires and affirm that she is put on this Earth to see them out and to act on her own gifts, not just to receive the lot that has been dealt to her. I have an opportunity to shine some light on her situation and turn on a light bulb or two in her thinking – especially about what is possible, what she is capable of, etc.

Whole Woman’s Health clinics offer an oasis from the stigma and shame surrounding abortion in our culture, from the voices and the judgments of others that often make it difficult to sit quietly and contemplate a big decision.

The opportunity to invite women to accept themselves and to live out their dreams is a byproduct of abortion care to some people, but to me it IS abortion care. I can make a contribution that matters – I can truly change the world one woman at a time, simply by sitting next to a woman, listening to her story, witnessing her experience and gently nudging her to be all that she can be.

This changes the world.

And this is why I provide abortions.

It Just Seems Natural

Reprinted from NARAL Pro-Choice Mass' amazing Roe V Wade 35th Anniversary Book

It Just Seems Natural I am pro-choice because it just seems natural. It seems natural to me for women to make their own decisions about their bodies. It’s the person, the individual self, that makes and should make decisions regarding birth control, pregnancy, and abortion. Limiting or removing access to honest and proper sex education and access to birth control takes ownership of the woman’s body away and gives it to someone else. I am pro-choice because women and their partners should not be limited [in their] options, regardless of their faith, ethnicity, economic standing, and whether or not they approve. I am pro-choice because choice is not about whether abortion is right or wrong; it’s about women having ownership of their bodies and having the allowance to make a decision of their own will...

Roe v Wade

Reprinted from "The Commercial Appeal"

Thank you for publishing Barry Chase's guest column on the anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision. It's important to remember that before the Roe decision made abortion legal nationwide, the procedure was still commonly used, but was highly unsafe. A study by the Guttmacher Institute and the World Health Organization released last week found that abortion rates are highest in countries where the procedure is illegal. Abortion rates are lowest in Western Europe, where both abortion and birth control are easily accessible. Restrictive abortion laws don't deter women from having abortions -- but giving them access to the information and technology they need to prevent pregnancy does lead to fewer abortions. Let's support Planned Parenthood and the great work it does in our community.

Joanna F
Memphis

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Nearly 40 years after Roe v. Wade, it is hard to believe that legislatures around the country are rushing to restrict a woman's right to make decisions about her own body. Abortion was common in the years before Roe vs. Wade -- the difference was that women were forced to go to unsafe providers or to attempt to perform abortion on themselves. Thousands suffered severe infections, permanent injuries and death. Now, women do not have to risk their lives if they find themselves in a situation where they have to end an unintended pregnancy.

Through education, available and affordable healthcare and compassion, we can work to curb unintended pregnancies and keep abortion safe, legal and rare. We should all think very seriously before we turn the clock back to the days before abortion was legal.

Nora B.
Memphis

I love abortion because...

I love abortion because it literally saved my life.

Well, actually, not literally at all. But it preserved my life, which, in your 20s, seems more important in many ways.

Being pregnant is a huge responsibility and its a very serious commitment (a reality that people like to ignore because it often happens accidentally). Staying pregnant is a decision that requires more bravery and strength and knowledge of self than I had back then, probably still more than I have now.

If I had gone through with it, stayed pregnant in spite of the screaming alarm bells in my head, I honestly think I would have completely withdrawn from life. I would have quit my job, I doubt I would have moved out of my parent's house but I would never be able to look at them in the eyes again, I would have ended the relationship that spawned the fetus (looking back, that wouldn't have been such a bad thing), or worse, made a huge commitment to an equally immature and temperamental adolescent that surely wouldn't have lasted longer than the average gestation period.

If I had stayed pregnant, I would have had to abandon my responsibilities to myself: to be educated, to be well-traveled, to live to my full potential and to actively live as much of my life as I can.

I would have a toddler. Or, I would have had to hand over my baby to complete strangers in the hopes that they'd protect her and raise her to have a life better than mine. I would be devastated. Either for my own life or for that of my offspring and I believe I would end up living each day for the rest of my life thinking what if i had been brave enough to be selfish

I am so thankful to have had the chance to make mistakes and not be punished for them for the rest of my life. Is that such a terrible thing to want? To be able to make mistakes? To learn from poor choices without having them haunt you forever?

If you think I'm being rhetorical, I'm telling you that the answer is no, it's not.

I don't feel a twinge of guilt or sadness or fear of being judged. Instead I feel ebullient. Thankfully my uterus is empty but I assure you my heart is full.

I don't know

I don't know who to thank. I don't know who I owe anything to. I don't know who is specifically responsible for making abortion so accessible in my city. I can't pretend to know who voted for what or to have voted myself. I don't know, though I could guess, what organizations work hardest in my state or who the big philanthropists are that support them. I don't know the names of any doctors or nurses or bodyguards. I don't know any volunteers or interns. I don't even know anyone who has had an abortion.

But now I'm thinking about it. Now I am interested. Now I want to volunteer. To- at the very least- vote. To protest or to march. I want the world to know that I'm pro-choice and proud - but there will be no need to thank me.

It will be my pleasure.

Clinic Staff member

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as a health worker at a clinic in Atlanta.

I have been pro-choice my entire life and have only recently begun being an activist in promoting this right for women. You have been in the weeds, helping and supporting women for more than 10 years and I can not imagine the things you have seen and done. Hearing a bit about what you go through as a counselor and what your clinic and patients have to deal with was overwhelming. I talk about the obstacles to abortion access in a very general sense all the time but actually hearing about the effects of them from someone who is on the front lines was really impactful.

This entire experience really makes me want to take action and actually do something that has an impact on these ridiculous restrictions and the undue burdens they are putting on women in need.

As a dedicated staff member of this health center, I just wanted to let you know that I think you are amazing. And I wanted to let you know that it is my plan to dedicate my life to doing every and anything within my power to create permanent change and make this country a safer place for abortion providers and female healthcare seekers.

Thank you for your service and for your bravery. It was really a life-changing experience for me.

Wishing you all the best

Abortion Providers

"Abortion Provider Appreciation Day"
via My Journey through Abortion

Today is Abortion Provider Appreciation Day... and my 36th birthday. I am proud to share my birthday, March 10, with a day that shows appreciation for abortion providers.

On October 1, 2010 I had my abortion at the Houston Women's Health Clinic. My first choice was my local Planned Parenthood facility, but due to the picketers, protesters outside of the building, I was unwilling to make my private life, my personal choice something that was open to public scrutiny that day. My husband and I traveled hours to HWHC. I talk about the location a little in my post about when I had my abortion, but I think today I will talk about it a little more.

I had a hard time from the second I walked in the clinic, I walked in angry, crying, a ball of emotion. And these women at that clinic... they saw it on my face. The result? They cared enough to pull me aside more than once (which I assume is protocol) and talk to me about why I was there, how I was feeling, if I was being coerced into my decision, to offer me tissues. The woman I spoke with offered her personal story to help me through it all. Being spoken to like I was, having that shoulder to cry on, to have that support from these nameless women... it saved me that day. The women that work at that clinic.... from the woman that takes payment and checks in, to the woman that did the ultrasound, the hilarious woman that took my blood and gave me my pills.... they all left an imprint on me that day. They made me feel safe, taken care of, they made me feel human and loved. I have never felt so cared for in any medical situation. Those woman who work there I believe do so out of love for their job.

People in every aspect of the abortion process have to endure fear, scrutiny, danger, not only at work but in their personal life ---some have died--- to provide ABORTIONS which are LEGAL, they provide them to women that CHOOSE to have them. Thank you to all of you that play a part in providing abortions for women.... from those who help lobby to keep our rights intact, to the families and friends of the abortion providers who may have to face danger and harassment in their lives, thank you to the nurses, the receptionists, the doctors... thank you to every person out there that plays a role in making sure abortions are provided for women.

I cannot imagine what you must go through day in and day out, as you walk your walk of providing abortions, but I thank you with every part of my being... thank you for making the choice you do.

-OmMama